Oh, Boy....Or Girl

I read the dumbest article this morning about a couple that was refusing to reveal the gender of their four month old baby to anyone, including grandparents, because they wanted the child to be able to make any choices concerning gender. They have two sons that are already struggling with sorting through the identity crisis their parents have thrust upon them.

Letting your little boy wear a pink shirt if he wants to is no big deal. But using your kids as a social experiment is appalling.

Anyway, it got me thinking about gender, and how even those who claim it shouldn't be a big deal are making it a big deal. I spent equal amounts of time as a child playing in mud with trucks and with dress up clothes and make up. No one cared. My boys seem to prefer obnoxious wrestling to dress up clothes, but in the times they've played with their cousin's dolls or played house I've never given it a second thought.

More important then letting your kids choose their gender is providing them with appropriate models of what it means to be a man or woman of integrity and compassion.

But even those who agree with me so far can put stress on gender preferences. Since I have two boys, I tend to hear with this current pregnancy "Oh, I hope it's a girl for your sake." I always think, "huh?" This is one of the reasons I don't find out gender before birth. Because it's not important to me whether my baby is a boy or girl. I love this child unconditionally. If it's a boy, I will rejoice and toss him into the ring with his brothers. If it's a girl, I will rejoice and toss her into the ring with her brothers. Seth and I have already discussed that if it is a girl, she will NOT be the princess of this house. No one here will get special treatment based on gender. We will treat her like a girl, of course, but we are a family here, not a monarchy. It seems like when you have multiple children of one gender and one of the other, that there can be the temptation to let the other get away with a lot more. No thanks.

And the insinuation that a girl is more delightful than a boy irks me to no end. I LOVE my boys, not because they're boys, but because they're my children. That being said, I like how adventurous and dirt loving and bruised they are all the time. I like that they can be fighting one second and best buds literally the next (that never happened with my sisters and me!) I like that they view their dad as a hero and beg him to play cars and airplanes and wrestle with him.

And if I have a girl, I will like doing her hair (most of the time). I will like picking out cute dresses for her and playing dolls. I'll like teaching her about makeup someday and all the little details that go into being a woman. And I'm fairly certain she'll want to get in on the wrestling with her brothers, even if cars and planes aren't really on her radar.

And I know that, boy or girl, this one will drive me just as crazy has my first two.

Bottom line though, I don't want one gender over another. I don't think some people believe me when I say that--like I'm just trying to prepare myself for another boy. But it's so true. My boys have taught me that I want them, not what I expected I'd get. Being a parent isn't about getting to choose who your kids are, but helping prepare them to be honorable people who care about others.

I love my baby with no strings attached. And that won't change when I hear "It's a....."

Seriously, I don't care who you are. I just can't wait till you come out of me. Because frankly, I'd like my body back.