Can I be frank?

Life sucks sometimes.

I'm not going to sit here and wail and question why, because I know why there are trials in life. Results of sin, opportunities to grow in faith, God working to show me His power in my life.

Yeah, I get all that.

What frustrates me so is my response to it, I guess. There is one area in my life that I just can't seem to master. It's a lingering problem, an issue I have fought against and "suffered under" for as long as I can remember. I don't understand how I can be faced with seemingly bigger heartaches and trials and be unwavering in my faith, but I can't seem to stand up under the weight of this one.

Do you have something like that? An area in your life where there is constant struggle in your heart? Where you have trouble seeing any good resulting from it? Where there aren't any workable solutions, so you find yourself constantly on pins and needles about how bad things are gonna get? Where it's hard to say "Let go and let God" because you feel responsible for fixing it somehow?

Ugh, I hate it.

I'm no fool. I know if I didn't struggle with this issue, it would be another. No one has a trouble free life. I know there are heavier burdens that I wouldn't want to bear. I just wonder if I'm ever going to feel relief about this, if there will ever be a time when I can look back on it instead of being buried under it.

I'm such a whiner.

But it all comes down to faith. It's obvious to me that I can't fix it. My attempts have failed. And I know I'm not supposed to live in fear, but I'm also responsible for my actions and attitude toward the trial. It's a tricky balance. And I'm a bit of a pessimist. I don't expect miraculous outcomes to my messes. Is that right or wrong? It's not that I doubt God can fix it, I just don't believe it's His plan to provide me with an easy out.

I don't even want to post this because I'm embarrassed by my whining and lack of resolve. But to not post it would be to indulge my pride at never letting my biggest weakness show.

Sigh. I need to go spend some time in prayer. And maybe some housework.

Whining done. Over and out.