Warning: Long winded post.

"[Thing Two] does not like to obey."

This was the welcome I received upon picking up my child from nursery awhile back. I walked into the room and was reaching for his coat. I hadn't said a word, hadn't asked a question. But there it was, hitting me in the face, and said with a surprising dose of sarcasm. Not the kind of sarcasm that's coated in a chuckle and a "that's how life is" spirit, but the other kind of sarcasm, the one that hints that I have a serious problem on my hands.

It was one of those moments as a parent where a million responses and emotions flood through you in a split second.

I stood there, stunned. I have never had a teacher speak to me about him before. It was his first Sunday in a new class. He'd just come from a nursery of two year olds, where playtime is the focus and there is little structure. Having turned three the week before, he got bumped up to the next room.

I didn't say the thoughts that rolled through my head. Well, it IS his first time in this class. He IS barely three. Newly three and old three are quite different stages in development. He IS a boy. Anyone who's ever parented a boy knows they're different from girls. And who among us LIKES to obey, let alone a young child who has limited understanding and social awareness?

Instead, I just mumbled something about how we'll work on it and put on his coat. The other teacher in the class was a bit kinder and didn't make me feel like my child had just earned a permanent "D" on his forehead for DISOBEYER. But it was a bit too late for that.

I hurried to pick up Thing One from his class. I didn't make much small talk with people, and when I did it was with a forced smile. I hurried the boys to the van and headed for lunch.

I got to the end of the church drive before I was in tears.

Six words had brought back a deluge of bad memories and hours of struggling and praying and trying to reconcile how I believed I should parent and how other people believed I should parent. I've written before about the long road that we trekked with Thing One when he was 2 and 3. Where once we were on the path of raising little robots by attacking every little misbehavior, we now have a much different mindset as parents. We are governed by several key beliefs.

1. Treat our children the way God has treated us. (Romans 2:4)

2. Focus on the heart, not the outward appearance. (Matthew 6:1)

3. Remember that we are the adults who are representatives of Christ. (Galatians 5:22-23)

4. Age appropriate expectations. (1 Corinthians 13:11)

We are not perfect (not even close). But I know that I personally have peace in my heart where my kids are concerned. I used to fret. I used to try to force them to do the right thing. Because people (and by people I mean Christians) judge them based on their behavior. I used to get so frustrated and angry at them, an "us vs. them" mentality. There was constant drama in the house because I was trying to be more stubborn than my child. It was my way or the highway, kid.

But God did a work on my heart. He broke my pride and showed me how ugly my motives and behavior were. He showed me how precious my children are. He showed me what years of the "us vs. them" mentality will do to a person.

I learned that the key to parenting is striving to be more like Jesus.

But I was reminded that not everyone feels that way. I've noticed that some parents haven't figured out which hills to die on. God must teach that about boys early for some reason.

I was once a day care worker (slave). I totally understand being so frustrated with a child's behavior you can't see straight. I had to talk to parents about behavior frequently. But I had to be professional and gentle. My boss would have flipped if I'd rudely announced "Your child does not like to obey."

Especially now that I'm a parent, I can understand why. When there are little kids in your home, you are overwhelmed. You sometimes feel like you're fighting for your life. You're exhausted and concerned that you are screwing them up for good.

But at the same time, you're so in love with them.

If the teacher had pulled me aside and gently discussed that he was rather disobedient that day, it probably would have been received better. I wouldn't have cried all the way home at least. But instead, I was left hurt and quite irritated for my son. I understand that this person was just speaking from frustration, and I've been there. A room full of little kids is hard work. I was just surprised I guess. Sometimes, the clearest lessons in "a word aptly spoken" are when you're on the receiving end of careless words.

When it comes down to it though, I know my son. I spend every day of his life with him. I know how he works and processes. I also know that he is still very much a baby. I don't understand why three year olds should be expected to act the same as a school ager. We don't expect first graders to understand algebra or junior highers to master college courses. But we do insist that newborns sleep through the night and toddlers obey our every command and thirteen year olds make mature and rational decisions. Because we're in charge here, doggone it. Just because some three year olds (like most girls and shy kids) will do what you tell them doesn't mean they are the standard. Brain development differs, people.

I'm just going to continue loving, praying, teaching the Word and being patient. And not focus on what other people think I should be doing.

I only have to answer to Christ for my behavior. I'd rather parent with a clean conscience than spend my energy trying to make my kids be perfect.

These little guys are pretty much my life right now. And I wouldn't have it any other way.