Perks of Being THE MOTHER

In an effort to find the silver lining in what has been a tremendously trying few days in my motherhood career, I'm looking for the positives of being a stay at home mom. Which is hard to do when there are a lot of negatives screaming at your face.

Like being dirt poor. Like feeling completely overwhelmed with homeschooling and sure that you are totally going to fail your kids big time and at the same time wanting to stick it to the stupid state laws that enforce that every child should learn exactly the same way because apparently those in charge of the public education system are flippin' geniuses. Like not being able to have a moment to yourself unless you turn cartoons on and are subsequently flooded with bad mother guilt. Like finding out your shampoo bottle suddenly contains only water. Or realizing that your housekeeping is near Hoarder's level chaos but knowing you can't take a day off school to get it done.

What was I talking about?

Right, silver lining.

A few mommy gifts come to mind:

RANDOM ITEM GPS: Being able to recall exactly where the blue lego man is located in a room overflowing with tiny toy parts and socks that have been discarded by a three year old who apparently doesn't mind freezing feet. Knowing exactly where hubby's winter gloves are. And the stamps. And the other brown shoe. Finding keys in a snowy soccer field at 10:30 at night after 12 minutes of looking. The same keys that your husband and brother in law spent hours searching for.

PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT: For example, cooking things I like. Selecting items of clothing to go through the wash first because I want to wear them. Buying candles based on my affinity for the scent. Being in charge of home decor. Arranging the pantry how I like it.

ULTIMATE DECLARATIVE POWER: Bed time is now. The TV is staying off. We're leaving this house in five minutes. Wait, I'm going to change my outfit, so make that ten minutes. You've had enough to eat. No, you may not wear pajamas to church. I don't care who had it first, it's mine now.

STRETCH MARKS: Wait, hear me out. Being able to say to your diabetic and shrinking husband "Well, you don't have these to deal with."

BEING ABLE TO SOUND EXACTLY LIKE YOUR MOTHER: I hear myself saying things in the same pitch and with the same inflection as my mom all the time now. And ya know what? That's totally cool. Because I understand her now. And she was right.

THE SPIRIT OF STICK IT: Being able to hear other moms (or opinionated non-moms) talk about the right way to do everything and not feeling inclined in the least to adopt their methods.

Around every 24 hour, 7 day a week job that requires you lose your beauty, sleep, and sanity, there is a silver lining.

And if the lining happens to be shiny foil, check for chocolate inside.