The Journey

Today, I was chatting with my good friend, Marissa, about struggles. Marissa's trials far outweigh my own. She has (and continues to) endure great loss. But even though my trials are on a lesser scale, it's interesting to me that our emotions and responses to the trials are similar, just varied in degree.

Both of us noted that in the midst of the trial, God and His Word were great sources of comfort. Without faith, we would have crumpled under the pressure. The Bible was a source of encouragement. Prayers flowed easily from our lips. When there's nothing steady in life to cling to, then clinging to God is a no brainer.

But now, the events of the trials have passed. We are left in the wake of them, left to deal with the aftermath. Now comes the part where we pick up the pieces and try to make sense of life again.

Now is the time when it's easy to fail.

It seems like when everything blows over, emotional exhaustion sets in. Our hearts cry for simple. For every day life to be mundane. For things to be easy.

The greatest defense against failure is Scripture, but suddenly, it's not so encouraging. God points to verses that instead of bringing comfort, they convict. Instead of being reminded of God's constant love and His plan, He shows that He has things for us to learn at this time. For me, I'm being confronted with my pride, with resisting spiritual authority, with doubting that this turmoil will ever completely blow over. I'm seeing my tendency to minimize sin and ignore opportunities that God wants me to learn over a period of time. Meanwhile, all I want is to stop thinking for one hot second and have some peace and quiet. I want God to remember that I have wounds that need licking and I want a spiritual pass for the time being.

God's not buying it.

I am learning that I can't live in heartache forever. Enduring a trial means more than just surviving it, but actually letting God teach through it. It may take a long time for my life to feel normal again. It may take years before I see the fruit of these lessons. And I have to be okay with that. Submission and patience aren't my strong points. Which is probably why God keeps bringing those issues to the table.

He keeps reminding me that I need to have that same fervency and intimacy in my faith that I did when the trial was happening. I need to have the same desire for Scripture and hunger for prayer. My faith isn't shaped in the valley, but rather the wilderness. The big lessons will be learned as I wander after God, not seeing the results, not knowing where He is leading.

I need to have faith that He will lead me to the promised land in His own timing.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4