Tongue Tied

Nine years today. Nine years since we donned a veil and a tux and posed for pictures and sang to each other. Nine years since I started calling you "Honey." Nine years since we started this journey, this wonderful, crazy, roller coaster ride of marriage we share. Nine years doesn't seem so long. We were very young then, and only relatively young now. We have shared 3,285 days with the same last name, 108 months with the same bank account and address, 468 weeks since we ended one chapter with our vows and began a new one. I thought then that trouble would never touch us, that we were beyond damage. I know now that no one is above the realm of trouble. Even strong marriages can be hit. Turmoil can strike in places where peace normally resides. Nine years ago, I thought I knew everything there was to know about you. Today, I can see how I was just barely scraping the surface of all that is you. Yes, there has been trouble. But the blessings far outweigh the losses. We have t...

There was one place where she felt whole. One place where the noise of her life faded away and there was only him, only that moment, only the truth and love that heated his gaze. At Jesus' feet, she felt peace. She could remember her sins without the overwhelming pang of guilt. She could see how the journey of her life brought her to be his follower. She knew she needed him, that her heart and mind were free from the torment of sin because of him and his forgiveness. At Jesus' feet, she wasn't a woman with a list of chores and responsibilities. She didn't have to prove anything to him. He wasn't interested in her cooking abilities, however lacking they were compared to her sister's, or her skill in tending the home. At his feet, she forgot the disapproval of others, the nagging concern that she wasn't good enough, wasn't holy enough, and was too impulsive to be of any good to his ministry. She didn't mind that her acts of worship would be considered...

Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm a "bad Christian." And by some definitions, I certainly am. I don't believe alcohol is sin. I don't believe smoking or tattoos or dancing or movies are sin. I don't believe listening to secular music is sin. Or watching TV. I'm not against kissing before marriage. Or reading books about vampires. Or hanging out where unbelievers hang out. I don't think tracts are a fabulous way to witness. Or going door to door. Nor do I find great joy in being incited by politics. I don't even believe it's a biblical command to spank your children or do daily devotions (that will be covered at a later date) . So maybe it's more accurate to say I'm a bad fundamental, evangelical Christian. I have lived in environments that convinced me that the opposite of all of the above was true. Not only were all those things certainly sins or biblical commands, but also it was vital to one's Christian walk to be totally set...

I've been working on a fun little project. Every morning when I wake up, I jot down any dreams I remember on the notepad I keep by my bed with the title "In my dreams I have...". It's been quite amusing to see what my subconscious entertains me with while I'm sleeping. I have to write it down before I get out of bed, or I forget the details. I also write down where the dream took place if it's somewhere I'm familiar with. It's been interesting to find that so many of my dreams take place in my elementary school. Here's a sampling of my dreams. In my dreams I have.... E aten my cell phone. Breastfed a piglet. Investigated a crime committed by The Grimace. Taken a shower in a haunted house. Renovated said haunted house. Given birth four times, once to a litter. Been stalked by a green monster. Watched as someone robbed my bedroom. Watched as an airplane exploded and dropped hot glass jars to the ground. Left my children home alone so I co...

1. The compulsion to climb to great heights and jump. 2. Finding humor in just about every little thing that the human body is capable of. 3. The inability to find any item, ever, even when it's literally six inches from one's face. 4. How they make those explosion noises. 5. The talent of turning just about any toy into a weapon. 6. How they won't eat green beans, but they will drink from the sand and water table. 7. The need for speed. 8. How they survive into adulthood with the constant stream of minor and major injuries. 9. Why they keep taking the tablespoons out of the drawers and doing who knows what with them. 10. How knocking each other down or causing wounds that bleed is an acceptable form of bonding.

This week, I've had a serious case of the blahs. I've found myself trudging through the day, doing what's required of me but little more, thinking whiny thoughts, and having a general spirit of irritability. I'm in a funk. I hate feeling this way. Hate, hate, hate! I don't like being irrational, or short tempered, or sad. I'm generally pretty "whatever" about life. No big deal, roll with the punches. But lately I've just been a mess. Part of it is stress. Part of it is I'm a low down dirty sinner. And part of it is...well, you know...a woman's prerogative and all that. (I had no idea that's how "prerogative" was spelled. Huh.) So how do I defeat this funk? I've been trying to force feed some Scripture. But my heart isn't really in it. Same with praying. Isn't that shameful? Please tell me I'm not the only one to knowingly be irritated when the Bible tells me to "count it all joy"? I mean, I know I ...

I have writer's block. I want to write about something witty and funny, because the last several posts were more on the heavy side. Alas, I have no witty ideas. But blog anyway, I must, or next thing you know a month will pass without writing. So here's what's going on in my world. 1. We had our first major plumbing ordeal as homeowners. I'm surprised we got away with living in a house this old for seven years before something happened. Poor Thing One was about to brush his teeth, and when he pushed the faucet on, it came apart from the plumbing underneath the sink. Water started pouring into the bathroom. And the hallway. And through the floor to the basement. Immediately, I began searching for a shut off valve, at the same time phoning the husband and asking frantically for advice. He told me a few things to look for, but nothing I was doing was working. He hopped in the car and raced home from work, but for twenty minutes, water continued to flood the place. We final...

Today, I was chatting with my good friend, Marissa , about struggles. Marissa's trials far outweigh my own. She has (and continues to) endure great loss. But even though my trials are on a lesser scale, it's interesting to me that our emotions and responses to the trials are similar, just varied in degree. Both of us noted that in the midst of the trial, God and His Word were great sources of comfort. Without faith, we would have crumpled under the pressure. The Bible was a source of encouragement. Prayers flowed easily from our lips. When there's nothing steady in life to cling to, then clinging to God is a no brainer. But now, the events of the trials have passed. We are left in the wake of them, left to deal with the aftermath. Now comes the part where we pick up the pieces and try to make sense of life again. Now is the time when it's easy to fail. It seems like when everything blows over, emotional exhaustion sets in. Our hearts cry for simple. For every day life t...