Working Out
When I was younger, I had a slightly different view of salvation. I accepted Christ as Savior when I was a small child and spent my life in church and Christian schools. To me, it was sort of like "I'm saved. End of story."
But now I see it differently. I see layers to my salvation. It isn't so much a one time deal as a process that continues throughout my life.
Now I'm not saying I'm any more "saved" than I was that moment when I confessed that I was a sinner and needed Jesus to redeem me. But I don't feel like my story ends there, but rather begins there.
I'm convinced that every believer, especially those who were saved at a young age, will come to a point as they mature where they must make their faith personal, deeper. Where they need to fall in love with Jesus. Where he becomes more than a Savior, but also a lifestyle. A lover. A mentor. A friend. A constant choice.
I came to that point shortly after Thing One was born. Several factors encouraged the change in me. Part of it was being a new mom and suddenly questioning everything I believed because I knew it wouldn't be long before my little one was asking me questions about it. Another factor was taking a Bible study taught by my mother. It was about the book of Mark and I remember being faced with the reality that I could identify more with the Pharisees than Jesus. My relationship with God was all about rules I had to follow. Even though I knew salvation was by grace, I thought I could earn God's favor by being "good" all the time, at least in everyone else's eyes. I grew hungry for Jesus and began studying his life, his actions, his words. And I discovered a Jesus I hadn't known before. The final factor was that I began reading fiction, namely Francine Rivers' books. I honestly believe that seeing Biblical principles playing out in extremely well written characters helped shift my thinking from being self focused to being Jesus and others focused. Her books are like practical applications of what Jesus teaches us. Especially "And The Shofar Blew". I remember being moved to work on listening to the Holy Spirit after reading that book.
So that's my story so far.
But the reason for this post isn't me, but rather my husband.
My husband is falling in love with Jesus.
I'll try not to get into personal details, but Seth has without question reached that point where he has decided to dig deeper in his faith. To let it be real in his life. Seth's story is far more interesting and moving than mine, but also far more personal. Maybe someday we'll be ready to share all the details. But I am just amazed at the changes in him of late.
Seth has lived an entire life of being behind emotional walls he built to protect himself. He has existed alone, never letting people see what was going on behind the curtain. He created a persona of a happy, outgoing guy so that people wouldn't look too closely at him. All the while, he was constantly struggling with doubts about God's love, his salvation, and all the choices he ever made.
I believe there's a vast amount of Christians living this way. Struggling alone, afraid to reveal what's really in their hearts because they might be judged, or cast out, or forced to confront their struggling faith. When something big is going on in our lives, we clam up. Shut down. We're afraid to let people see our hurts, our secret sins, and our weaknesses.
But God is faithful to his children. He has been pursuing my husband for many years. He allowed some circumstances to occur that brought Seth's doubts to the surface. He prepared my heart in advance to be the one to help when those doubts were revealed. I'm amazed at how God works. Several years ago, I would have been little help during his struggles. But now I see how God worked in my heart then so that he could work in Seth's heart now. Everything he did in me had a dual purpose. And now, He continues to teach me as I watch my husband grow in his relationship with God.
It has been a rough road, but now I can see the results of faith playing out in our home. Our marriage feels brand new. Things are better than they have ever been between us. We're working on being better parents. We're talking and praying freely with each other. We're in the Word together. We're waiting with excitement to see what God does with us.
And God is healing. He is so faithful. He gently reveals his love to us, taking down the walls we build brick by brick until we're standing vulnerable before him. It's then that he shows us his kindness. His forgiveness. His love for which we will never be worthy recipients, yet he showers us with nonetheless. He'll leave the 99 to seek out the one that needs him most. He welcomes his wandering son home with open arms and a celebration instead of a guilt trip and a grudge.
He can take what Satan meant for evil and turn it into good.
"Sparks will fly as Grace collides with the dark inside of us." (Healing Begins by Tenth Avenue North)
Comments