Why I'm a SAHM

Photo by KariMe Photography

Sometimes I need reminding that my life is the result of intentional choices. Every so often, there are just too many dishes, or too much whining, or the culture of our day tells me that I'm lame for not having employment and I'm tempted with thoughts of wishing things are different.

But when I'm honest with myself, there isn't anything I'd rather be doing with my life than being at home with my kids.

Me being a SAHM was something Seth and I determined before we were even married. Both of our moms had stayed home with us, and we thought that was really valuable to our upbringings. My mom did eventually start working part time, but not until I was about ten or eleven. She didn't start working full time till I was in junior high, and she was a secretary in the church I went to school at, so even then, she was always there.

It wasn't that my mom spent every waking moment with me. But her presence in our home made me feel secure. I think one of the reasons I have such warm memories of that little house in rural Illinois is because so much of that warmth came from her just being there. Folding laundry, reading books, washing the dishes, sweeping the driveway, making dinner. She was there when I came home from school. She was there when I had events during the day. She was there when I was sick. I looked forward to coming home because home reminded me of Mom.

Of course, I know this isn't the only way to raise children. But I do find it honorable and it's something I always wanted to emulate.

But it's not always easy. I know that now. The culture has totally flipped in this area. Being a SAHM means you either married money or you're the female version of a deadbeat. Or you're under the oppressive male thumb and are a wimpy woman. (Eye roll.) And then there's the stress. More than the days when the children are annoying and the house is overwhelming, the bank account likes to give me guilt trips. And then I hear that voice that says "Things would be so much better if you got a job."

It's then that I have to get back to the roots of our decision. Because I really do believe it's important to stick with this for our family.

I'm a SAHM because I simply cannot afford to generously (or even decently) pay a caregiver. As hard as it is to watch my own kids, I learned through working in daycare and nannying that it's a lot harder to regularly watch someone else's kids. It takes a lot more selflessness, because there isn't that strong emotional bond there to make the sacrifices easier. It also comes with the burden of seeing errors in other people's parenting that you aren't allowed to point out or having to tell them things about their kids they should already know (so awkward). You aren't free to make the same choices you do for your own kids. And, you can end up getting closer to a child than their parents. That's heartbreaking and way heavier than we like to realize in our culture where the two income family is very near mandatory. I remember working in daycare and thinking "I will never put my kids here." But if I were to work, I would have to find some sort of daycare, and any money I made would go right to that. Seems senseless at that point.

I'm a SAHM because, though financial turmoil might at times be emotionally overwhelming and awful, I'd rather have that pain than the turmoil that comes from being away from my kids most of the time. I guess it's a pick your poison sort of thing.

I'm a SAHM because I made a commitment to be. And I've found that God honors honest commitments and gets us through the hard times.

I'm a SAHM because I don't really buy into our culture's idea that money equals security. Americans are obsessed with wealth, but looking back, my childhood security never had anything to do with money. We didn't have much, but God always took care of us.

I'm a SAHM because the only careers I can envision myself really enjoying are in music or writing...maybe photography, and those opportunities aren't really available or feasible right now. And if they were, they are the kind of jobs I could do from home or take my kids with me.

I'm a SAHM because two thirds of my children were intentionally planned. We made the decision to have them, knowing that there would be financial hardship involved, and we accepted that.

I'm a SAHM because I hate getting up early.

I'm a SAHM because I like being my own boss.

I guess it comes down to someone has to be here. Someone has to raise the kids and clean the house and wash the clothes. Might as well be me. I'm cheap.

Wow. I'm surprised how encouraged I am by writing this out. I guess it's good to revisit your decisions and motives when things get tough. I'm really very happy being a SAHM and I'm confident that this is where I'm supposed to be right now. Things may change someday, so it's important to be open to God's leading, but I know that I'm doing what He wants me to do right now. That makes me happy.

Even if I have had a crazy couple of parenting days, this is where I'm supposed to be.

Photo by KariMe Photography