Tongue Tied

Photo by KariMe Photography Sometimes I need reminding that my life is the result of intentional choices. Every so often, there are just too many dishes, or too much whining, or the culture of our day tells me that I'm lame for not having employment and I'm tempted with thoughts of wishing things are different. But when I'm honest with myself, there isn't anything I'd rather be doing with my life than being at home with my kids. Me being a SAHM was something Seth and I determined before we were even married. Both of our moms had stayed home with us, and we thought that was really valuable to our upbringings. My mom did eventually start working part time, but not until I was about ten or eleven. She didn't start working full time till I was in junior high, and she was a secretary in the church I went to school at, so even then, she was always there. It wasn't that my mom spent every waking moment with me. But her presence in our home made me feel ...

Yeah, you read that title right. I didn't say " TO me", I said " FOR me". There was a time when I could only see the negatives. But I'm getting older now, and there are a few more years between me and the legalism. It's easier to see the silver lining now. One of God's specialties is redemption. Taking something worthless and giving it value. Turning a mess into a miracle. Flipping something filled with wrong on it's back and making it somehow right. That's kind of how I see the legalism now. I no longer just focus on the wrong things I was led to believe, nor do I spend too much thought on the injustice of it. It is what it is, and I don't really believe that those doing the teaching were intentionally harming me. Actually, they probably most sincerely thought they were helping me. And in some ways, they did. 1. Legalism taught me to be wary of trends. Man's opinion changes frequently. God's does not. 2. Legalis...

I sometimes feel like I'm being bombarded with opinions, lectures, ideas and philosophies. Like I'm overloaded with political dialogue and religious discussions. And I rarely leave the house. It's the internet. Oh, the internet. What a mixed blessing. The whole world at my fingertips means that I can find amazing recipes for baked salmon, but I'll also be subjected to the bold opinions of people I usually don't know and would rather not be so irritated by. I'm one of those people that will read a blog and then all the comments. I don't know why I do that. It's mentally exhausting. One thing is for sure in all these debates and posts. Everyone's right. The posters, the commenters, the politicians and the theologians. They're all  so right, and they will let you know it in multiple comments. Even if they do manage to leave out sarcasm or outright name calling (which is far too common), they will undoubtedly leave humility completely out ...

Here's my man: He's been "on company" with the fire department for about a year now. Yes, a year ago, he graduated the academy after some of the hardest work he's ever done in his life. I still get shivers when I think about him being sworn in at graduation. I mean, beyond the obvious (way cute dude in a dress uniform taking an oath to be a hero), I knew the behind-the-scenes road we had traveled to get to that point. I saw firsthand the sacrifices and the studying and the exams. He wasn't about to be finally handed his dream job only to go at it halfway. That's not Seth's way. That graduation day was probably one of the proudest of my life so far. And hottest. And pregnant-est. A few days later, after the celebrating settled down, Seth headed in to his first day on company. Everything was fine. I'm not a worrier by nature, but I admit that he popped into my thoughts almost constantly, and I prayed a lot. I held it together th...

Today is grace day. Everybody should have a grace day. If you don't, I hope one comes for you soon. Grace day marks where pain met healing. Where sin met forgiveness. Where love bridged a gap. Grace day is all about Jesus doing what Jesus does best: saving us. I'm not just talking about salvation, though that's certainly cause for a grace day (mine's May 17th). I'm talking about a pivotal moment in a life that is an ever certain miracle and can only be the work of God. Like the ancients building alters in the wilderness to honor something God had done, grace day is my token of remembrance. Every year, on June 18, I pause and remember. I remember how I was hopeless, and Jesus cast a rope. I was broken, and Jesus made me whole. I was in a mess, and Jesus picked up the pieces. Grace day reminds me that the ugliest parts of ourselves will be revealed. They will be drawn out, purged from our hearts into our lives one way or another, and it won't be pretty...

I'm feeling rather emotional tonight. Stupid hormones. Sometimes, I should just step away from the computer and find something else to do. Why is that so hard? Just click it off and go do some push ups or something. Instead, I see things on facebook that make me sad. So, I switch over to reading news articles that make me sad. Then I try some blogs. Sad. Things get overwhelming. Issues that burden my heart seem to spring up all over the place. People misjudge me. I start thinking about friends that are distancing themselves because of their problems, and that hurts. UGH WITH THE THINKING! And then I try to make a coherent blog post about it and it doesn't work and I'm left feeling frustrated and wondering why I even started writing this, when I have a totally legit post swirling around upstairs that I could be writing instead. I'm going to go find some verses to quiet me. Crazy how that works so well. Wait, why didn't I start with that? Oh, right, ...

I thought summer was supposed to be relaxing. You ever reach a place where it feels like you'll never catch up? I'm so way behind on everything. The house is a disaster. Chores and projects have piled up so high, it's ridiculous. I feel like I'm running around with my head cut off half the time. I've been late to appointments. I've been losing sleep. I end up spending more money when I'm in a rush and not planning ahead. I keep making stupid mistakes and forgetting things. What is my problem? I've been eating right and getting some exercise (I'll pause while you pick up your jaw from the floor), and yet, I feel more exhausted than ever. I'm one of those people that likes things quiet. I don't want a full schedule. I don't want a million things on my plate to get done. But the last few weeks have been the opposite of that. I want to scream really loudly. And then take a long nap. Usually, the year after I have a baby is quite p...

Sitting around with a virus all day means more time on the interwebs than normal. Side effects of this can be information overload on social websites, and seeing things and cringing a little (not just from nausea). 1. If you don't have kids, please don't offer snarky advice on raising kids. Being a teacher is an awesome, hard job, but it doesn't make you a parenting expert. I used to teach preschool before I became a mom, and I had all sorts of opinions, but I had no idea what those parents were going through. There's more than meets the eye. 2. When a virus spreads, it grates me when people try to pinpoint "patient zero". A nasty stomach virus is spreading through our church (upwards of 50 people) since Sunday. Apparently, a poor older gentleman got sick in the lobby during the service, and now he's being "blamed" as a culprit. Maybe people don't mean to sound like that when they refer to him, but do we really need to discuss someone els...

1. Vomit. 2. Cleaning. 3. That about sums it up. I've neglected this poor blog for over a week now. I just haven't had much inspiration lately. School's out, so I'm trying my hardest to catch up on housework. It's going...slowly. It is simply impossible for the house in its entirety to be clean at once. I'm trying to come to terms with that. Seth's been working a lot, which is nothing new. That's just life. Very much looking forward to "vacation month" in September. Hopefully, we can afford it. Homegirl's almost one. I can't process this. Perhaps the writing bug will hit me soon (as other bugs have done). If not, there's always Ten on Ten coming up. I'll see you when I see you.