Innies And Outies

Seth and I had an interesting discussion about the predominate personality types tonight. We are definitely opposites when it comes to introversion/extroversion, and I love that I can pick his brain and discover what lies beneath all the behaviors I don't understand.

Because, quite frankly, I don't understand extroversion, simply because it's just not how my brain works. I don't know how to be free and open with my emotions. I don't know how to walk into a room and put everyone at ease. I can't grasp why someone would even want to talk to strangers or be in large social gatherings for extended periods of time.

And from talking to Seth, it's clear that he doesn't understand introverts either. He easily misinterprets an introvert's silence or withdrawal as judgment. He doesn't know why someone would want to sit quietly at home for extended periods of time. He can't fathom why talking to people would be hard.

I'm so glad God put us together. I feel like we've been given the gift of knowing the secret to getting along with the other side, as long as we remember to apply our knowledge to everybody else and not just each other.

As we talked, we were really surprised at some of each other's thoughts. Isn't it funny how we tend to use our own brushes when we paint everyone else? Yet, we are not the same. We are supposed to be different. God's creative like that.

Different doesn't mean we can't flourish together.

So, for all the extroverts, here's a sampling of some of the ways you might misinterpret me:

I don't think I'm better than you. Really. In fact, most of the time, I'm inwardly chiding myself that I'm not more like you. I hate being socially awkward. I hate that I trip over my words and sound like an idiot, or think of all the things I should have said long after the conversation is over. That's why I'm being quiet. It's not that I'm necessarily shy, it's not that I don't like you, it's not that I'm mad about something. I just don't know how to articulate my thoughts with conversational speech and I'm afraid of messing up if I try.

Sarcasm, to me, can speak of more warmth than the words "I love you". Sarcasm can make me feel like I'm one of the group, I'm included, accepted, that I'm familiar enough to tease. Sarcasm feels genuine. I've learned that this in no way makes sense to you. You may even think it's totally wrong. But it's how I communicate friendliness. So, if I happen to use it with you, I don't mean it to hurt your feelings or put you down. It actually probably means I like you.

I'm struggling. I may appear calm, may look like I've got a good handle on things, but trust me, I don't. And I know I don't. I feel incredibly stupid a good portion of the time.

Just because I'm not freely expressing my emotions doesn't mean I don't have them. I feel. I feel deeply. Quietly. Largely alone. In fact, in those instances where I need a good cry (yes, that does happen on occasion), I will force it to wait until I'm completely alone. I don't know why it's so hard for me to share my emotions with others. For some reason, they just seem like areas I need to keep to myself. That's how I process: internally. I absorb and then ruminate. It's hard for me to trust others with those delicate parts of me. Again, I don't know why. I will open up when I feel like I won't be judged for how and what I need to express. But at the same time, I won't need to open up about everything, because I tend to learn better by listening or reading rather than talking.

I don't want to have a lot of friends. That's too much pressure. It's not that I don't like people, it's that I'm a little bit intimidated by them, especially you extroverts. If you want to get to know the genuine me, you probably shouldn't wait for me to make the first move. Ask me questions, communicate in a "safe" way with me, such as in text or a small group. Or ask me for help with something. I like helping. And I really do like sharing the amazing things God has taught me, I'm just not always awesome at knowing how to start that conversation.

I know there are parts of my personality that need to be reigned in and put under the submission of God's Word. I'm not saying here that everything we introverts do is justified or right. I just think a lot of conflict stems from people simply not understanding each other or expecting them to be someone other than God created them to be. I'm glad some people are like me and I'm glad some people are not like me. It makes us all interesting.

I'd love to hear some thoughts from my fellow intros. And I definitely think this post will need a companion piece with input from Seth, highlighting how extroverts feel and relate.