Why I'm glad I stayed

A lot of people my age give up on church. They grow frustrated with ideologies that they disagree with or the prevalent attitude that is displayed, or by the conservatism or staunchness or hypocrisy that they perceive. So eventually, they stop trying and decide to love Jesus all on their own and denounce the church altogether.

At one time, I was *this* close to being among the casualties.

I can remember when each week, I left church discouraged. Ready to quit. Longing to go elsewhere. In my early twenties, I struggled with the sins I saw that I thought were ignored. I loathed how it took years and years for things to change. I felt like I had no voice, no place, that I would never be heard.

But try as I might, I never had a peace about leaving.

So we stayed.

Not a day goes by that I'm not grateful that we stayed. Seriously. Not a single day.


Were there things in the church that were wrong? Yes.

Were there things in me that were wrong? Even yesser.

If I had left, I might never have realized my own pride. I might never have discovered what real love looks like. I might never have learned how to disagree with someone and still greatly respect them at the same time.

I've heard a list of reasons why it's better to leave the church. There isn't a place for me. Nothing ever changes. Jesus isn't here. I used to feel all of these things. But now, I get to thinking about how wrong my notions were. There was a place for me--a gentle dissenter. It was painful, and very humbling, but God got me to the point where I could disagree with a right spirit (after I majorly failed a few times). Things did change--my church looks wildly different than it did ten years ago. The atmosphere is sweeter, friendlier, dare I say, more like Jesus. It took some time and some difficult years for our church, but God was working in hearts all along, even when I thought no one was listening. Jesus was there--if he's in me, he's in my church! And how self-absorbed was I to think that I had the corner on all things theological?

I've learned that church isn't going to be perfect. Not until Jesus comes back. Church is full of sinners, of whom I am chief. Believers aren't meant to be an island. We need community. We need to hear each other pray and see each other grow and meet each other's needs. Iron needs to sharpen iron. Sometimes, we need to disagree so that God can teach us something big, or show us how to love without conditions, or work a miracle right before our eyes.

I remember sitting around discussing all the problems our church was having with my equally frustrated family and hearing my mom say "Love is the answer."

Don't you hate it when your mom is right?

A believer's relationship with the church is much like a marriage relationship.

Love stays, even when things suck.

Love prays and gently encourages godly change.

Love is humble.

Love isn't concerned about feeling like it belongs, but in serving others.

Love covers a multitude of sins.

You can't love Jesus and not love Jesus' bride. Even when they sin. Especially when they sin! You cannot distance yourself from those whom you'll share Heaven with and still proclaim that you are Christlike. You can't glorify God and hate God's people.

And again, like marriage, it's beautiful to watch God weave a church together, to see discipline and forgiveness play out before your very eyes in real, tangible ways. It's humbling to serve and see how God uses you for the good of someone else. And it's utterly miraculous to have a huge extended family and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when a need in your life arises, you have a place to go.

Our pastor often says relationships are messy. Sin so easily mars and destroys. But human relationships are where the redeeming grace of God can really shine through. I've learned more from people who are not like me than I ever learned from people who are a lot like me. We need each other.

Jesus has loved me unconditionally throughout seasons of my life when I barely acknowledged that he was my Savior, when I was drowning in willful sins and only serving myself.

Because of that, I will love his bride unconditionally and vow to get through the tough times.

Families gotta stick together, after all.