For all the girls out there
Yesterday, I tried on a swimming suit I liked.
It didn't go well.
I'm sure you're familiar with the feeling. Standing in front of the dressing room mirror, in a suit that looked modest and adorable on the hanger, in a size you thought would be more than ample, and finding that your reflection is not at all what you had in mind.
How easily the thoughts come. "Blech. So fat. I'm hideous."
I've learned by now not to really give those fleeting thoughts much attention. I dismiss them as quickly as I dismiss the ill fitting suit.
Not because I think I'm awesome sauce. Not because I "love my body" or all of that nonsense. But because I've learned the hard way that my worth as a human isn't measured by how my body looks at the beach. There was a time in my life when I was incredibly thin--much too thin for my height. At my skinniest, when I "should" have been happy with how I looked, I hated myself. I was insecure, needy, depressed, and obsessed with appearance.
Ugh. Just makes me want to go back in time and slap myself.
Fast forward to now. I'm at least fifty pounds heavier than I was then, and I've doubled my dress size. I'm fleshy and curvy and lumpy and stretch marked. Trying on bathing suits displays my nice collection of cellulite. And yet, I have a hard time even really caring.
Probably because caring reminds me of that depressed, annoying, insecure, obsessive eighteen year old that needs a good kick in her skinny butt. I would never want to trade places with her, even if it meant I could rock a bathing suit. There are much more important things I would rather be concerned with now.
Women obsessed with their bodies is a pet peeve of mine. Call it what you will: fitness, health, dieting, being toned and strong--to me it all smells of body obsession. It's like the new fad among Christian women that being godly means being fit. It means not eating sugar and working out every day.
It's really just a new brand of legalism. And legalism always has its roots in pride.
Time for the disclaimer: I'm not saying working out and eating right are bad. That's not my point. But I truly believe that the motivation behind these things can often be sinful.
Today, I sampled some of the Pinterest fitness boards (which I usually avoid like the plague) to get a taste (pun intended) of the idea behind this avid desire to be skinny and rock hard. Why is it so important to women to be what is currently considered attractive? Why do we kill ourselves and hate our bodies and get so wrapped up in making them look a certain way? Why do we fall into the legalism that equates eating a piece of cheesecake with moral failure?
I tell ya, ten minutes on those boards made me sad for women today. I just saw lie after lie after lie. Here are some examples of the false advertising:
"The goal isn't to be perfect, but to be better, and to never, ever stop." This was plastered over a half naked woman who was perfectly thin and muscular. So, if the goal isn't to be perfect, why the perfect model?
"I'd rather be fit and healthy than skinny and hungry." Also plastered over a half naked, perfectly thin woman who probably hasn't eaten sugar in seven years and had a bit of a smug expression on her face. I'm sensing a trend here.
"I will become who I should have been all along. I will do this for me. I will shock them all." Aside from the grammatical error, I'm confused. Are you doing it for you or so you can shock them all? (In reality, it's all about appearance and feeling powerful when others find you appealing.)
"Lean. Sexy. Hard." Apparently, we curvy, fleshy women are just doomed to a life of being unattractive.
"My butt is big..." This one made me laugh. It was again, plastered over a half naked, perfectly toned woman, and it was this long diatribe about how she loved her "big" butt and everybody else could just shut up. I think it was for Nike. Very...inspirational.
"Just ten pounds..." Yes, because those ten pounds are the reason you feel insecure and unhappy, and if they go away, everything will magically be wonderful in your life.
And here's my favorite, from the queen of annoying body legalism, Gwyneth Paltrow. "The reason I can be 38 with two kids and still wear a bikini is because I work my f****** a** off. It's not an accident. It's not luck. It's not fairy dust. It's not good genes. It's killing myself for an hour and a half, five times a week. But what I get out of it is relative to what I put into it. That's what I try to do in all areas of my life." Did anyone else pick up on the smug superiority? I mean, I know it was kind of subtle and all...
I think it's sort of obvious what the motivation behind it is: feeling better about myself; feeling powerful and in control of others' reactions to me; being confident in my flesh. (I think the word for all of this is pride.)
DON'T FALL FOR IT! Losing weight will not make you a better person. Being muscular does not equate to integrity. Being disciplined in one area of your life does not make you morally superior to all the "fat chicks".
Here's what I think (and this is my blog, so that's what I'm bound to write): You can be addicted to food. You can be addicted to being fit. They're both the same sin. Addiction isn't okay just because the thing you're addicted to is culturally accepted. Moderation in all things.
God doesn't accept you based on your weight. And, for the most part, I don't think we Christian women do that to each other, either. We don't look at someone else and judge them based on their appearance. But we can be SO HARD on ourselves, and then inadvertently make others feel worse about their physical issues.
I don't struggle as much with weight anymore, but up until recently, I struggled with accepting other features of my appearance that I didn't like and couldn't change. Like everything on my face.
And then big, horrible things happened in my life that made worrying about off center eyes or a too gummy smile seem so superficial and needless. These issues weren't issues. Changing them would not fix my pride problem. Obeying God would.
Godliness comes in all shapes and sizes. I've met godly thin women and godly curvy women. I've met women of strength of character who wore lots of make up and others who wore none. Their beauty didn't come from their diets or their workouts or their makeup or their clothes, but rather in their humility, their kindness, their steadfastness, their patience. When you're in the presence of a godly person, you don't notice their appearance because they look so much like Jesus.
This is just food for thought from a slightly cranky, pmsing woman, who very happily consumed a chocolate donut whilst writing this.
It didn't go well.
I'm sure you're familiar with the feeling. Standing in front of the dressing room mirror, in a suit that looked modest and adorable on the hanger, in a size you thought would be more than ample, and finding that your reflection is not at all what you had in mind.
How easily the thoughts come. "Blech. So fat. I'm hideous."
I've learned by now not to really give those fleeting thoughts much attention. I dismiss them as quickly as I dismiss the ill fitting suit.
Not because I think I'm awesome sauce. Not because I "love my body" or all of that nonsense. But because I've learned the hard way that my worth as a human isn't measured by how my body looks at the beach. There was a time in my life when I was incredibly thin--much too thin for my height. At my skinniest, when I "should" have been happy with how I looked, I hated myself. I was insecure, needy, depressed, and obsessed with appearance.
Ugh. Just makes me want to go back in time and slap myself.
Fast forward to now. I'm at least fifty pounds heavier than I was then, and I've doubled my dress size. I'm fleshy and curvy and lumpy and stretch marked. Trying on bathing suits displays my nice collection of cellulite. And yet, I have a hard time even really caring.
Probably because caring reminds me of that depressed, annoying, insecure, obsessive eighteen year old that needs a good kick in her skinny butt. I would never want to trade places with her, even if it meant I could rock a bathing suit. There are much more important things I would rather be concerned with now.
Women obsessed with their bodies is a pet peeve of mine. Call it what you will: fitness, health, dieting, being toned and strong--to me it all smells of body obsession. It's like the new fad among Christian women that being godly means being fit. It means not eating sugar and working out every day.
It's really just a new brand of legalism. And legalism always has its roots in pride.
Time for the disclaimer: I'm not saying working out and eating right are bad. That's not my point. But I truly believe that the motivation behind these things can often be sinful.
Today, I sampled some of the Pinterest fitness boards (which I usually avoid like the plague) to get a taste (pun intended) of the idea behind this avid desire to be skinny and rock hard. Why is it so important to women to be what is currently considered attractive? Why do we kill ourselves and hate our bodies and get so wrapped up in making them look a certain way? Why do we fall into the legalism that equates eating a piece of cheesecake with moral failure?
I tell ya, ten minutes on those boards made me sad for women today. I just saw lie after lie after lie. Here are some examples of the false advertising:
"The goal isn't to be perfect, but to be better, and to never, ever stop." This was plastered over a half naked woman who was perfectly thin and muscular. So, if the goal isn't to be perfect, why the perfect model?
"I'd rather be fit and healthy than skinny and hungry." Also plastered over a half naked, perfectly thin woman who probably hasn't eaten sugar in seven years and had a bit of a smug expression on her face. I'm sensing a trend here.
"I will become who I should have been all along. I will do this for me. I will shock them all." Aside from the grammatical error, I'm confused. Are you doing it for you or so you can shock them all? (In reality, it's all about appearance and feeling powerful when others find you appealing.)
"Lean. Sexy. Hard." Apparently, we curvy, fleshy women are just doomed to a life of being unattractive.
"My butt is big..." This one made me laugh. It was again, plastered over a half naked, perfectly toned woman, and it was this long diatribe about how she loved her "big" butt and everybody else could just shut up. I think it was for Nike. Very...inspirational.
"Just ten pounds..." Yes, because those ten pounds are the reason you feel insecure and unhappy, and if they go away, everything will magically be wonderful in your life.
And here's my favorite, from the queen of annoying body legalism, Gwyneth Paltrow. "The reason I can be 38 with two kids and still wear a bikini is because I work my f****** a** off. It's not an accident. It's not luck. It's not fairy dust. It's not good genes. It's killing myself for an hour and a half, five times a week. But what I get out of it is relative to what I put into it. That's what I try to do in all areas of my life." Did anyone else pick up on the smug superiority? I mean, I know it was kind of subtle and all...
I think it's sort of obvious what the motivation behind it is: feeling better about myself; feeling powerful and in control of others' reactions to me; being confident in my flesh. (I think the word for all of this is pride.)
DON'T FALL FOR IT! Losing weight will not make you a better person. Being muscular does not equate to integrity. Being disciplined in one area of your life does not make you morally superior to all the "fat chicks".
Here's what I think (and this is my blog, so that's what I'm bound to write): You can be addicted to food. You can be addicted to being fit. They're both the same sin. Addiction isn't okay just because the thing you're addicted to is culturally accepted. Moderation in all things.
God doesn't accept you based on your weight. And, for the most part, I don't think we Christian women do that to each other, either. We don't look at someone else and judge them based on their appearance. But we can be SO HARD on ourselves, and then inadvertently make others feel worse about their physical issues.
I don't struggle as much with weight anymore, but up until recently, I struggled with accepting other features of my appearance that I didn't like and couldn't change. Like everything on my face.
And then big, horrible things happened in my life that made worrying about off center eyes or a too gummy smile seem so superficial and needless. These issues weren't issues. Changing them would not fix my pride problem. Obeying God would.
Godliness comes in all shapes and sizes. I've met godly thin women and godly curvy women. I've met women of strength of character who wore lots of make up and others who wore none. Their beauty didn't come from their diets or their workouts or their makeup or their clothes, but rather in their humility, their kindness, their steadfastness, their patience. When you're in the presence of a godly person, you don't notice their appearance because they look so much like Jesus.
This is just food for thought from a slightly cranky, pmsing woman, who very happily consumed a chocolate donut whilst writing this.
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