Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and erase things I don't want to remember. Things I'm not proud of. Things I wish I had done differently. Things that pinch to remember. Things that still bring tears to my eyes. I find myself envying those with spotless lives and unwavering faith, those people that have never had to clean up a mess they made with their own hand.

But then again, I have doubts that anyone like that truly exists.

We all have secrets. We all have shame. And we've all been hurt.

So why is it so easy to slip into the mindset that I have it harder than someone else?

Easy answer: Pride. Seth and I have been studying pride for almost a year now. Over and over we have seen that every sin we encounter has its roots in pride. Every wayward thought, every act of willful disobedience, every sinful mess starts with pride.

It was pride that made Eve doubt God's instructions. It was pride that urged David to steal another man's wife and arrange his death. It was pride that formed Ananias and Sapphira's lie.

Pride whispers in our thoughts that we know better than God. That somewhere along the line, He made a mistake, and it's up to ourselves to fix it. Pride tells us that we got the short end of the stick and God is against us. Pride puts the reigns in our unable grasps.

We've learned that pride isn't always obvious. It's not always boastful and arrogant. Sometimes, it sneaks in, disguised in our sorrows or regrets. It lies under the radar, slowly growing and eating away at our understanding that God is good, and wise, and sovereign.

Pride lies to us that what we want is what we need. More money, more talent, a better home, a better job, a better spouse, a better church. Maybe we've lost something precious. Maybe our dreams aren't coming true. Maybe our situation offers no easy solutions. Pride validates our frustrations and irritations until they become so big that we can't see that they are unjustified. We grow embittered when God's plan doesn't match our ideas of a happy life, and suddenly, the thing we want consumes us and following God's plan is less significant.

Like Sarah's plot to give Abraham a son. Like Jacob bartering for a birthright. Like Israel's begging for a king.

Pride says God's way won't work.

So we do things our way.

And fail.

And when we realize that it was pride that led us there, we have no one to blame but ourselves.

But if the cause of our heartache is as simple as pride, the solution is as simple as humility. It's as easy as surrendering control to someone skilled where we are clumsy, wise where we are foolish, and sovereign where we are so limited.

Humility is understanding that faith is a better choice than self fulfillment. Humility casts aside any ideas of greatness or justification and sees others as more important than self.

Humility is the Creator of the world washing dirt and manure off the disciple's feet.

Humility is the fingers that formed the stars touching a leper's skin.

Humility is the Divine dying on a cross.

If Jesus didn't think equality with God was so important, how can we who are full of sin hope to measure up?

We can't. We never will. And trying leaves us hollow.

Contentment comes with understanding our role and pursuing it.

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom." Proverbs 11:2