The Storm Within (OFF #6)

The knot in her stomach pinched almost as much as her Sunday shoes.

On the outside, no one could have guessed the secrets she hid. She was shiny and clean. Her skirt length was acceptable. She wasn’t wearing too much makeup. She smiled sweetly at the other churchgoers when she took her seat with her family. Her black leather Bible (in the only acceptable version, of course) had her name embossed in gold.

She looked at her name now, shiny and glittery, in lovely script.

It felt like a lie.

Why should her name look so lovely when her heart was so ugly?

Shame filled her at the thought of her secrets. She would go to her grave with those secrets. Even if she were to marry, she doubted she would even tell her spouse. She was good at hiding, at pretending to be sweetly naïve. Why should anyone see her differently?

But she knew she couldn’t fool God.

She shifted at the thought. She’d been in this church her whole life. She knew all the stories, all the verses, all the truths of Jesus’ love and death and resurrection. It wasn’t exactly that she didn’t believe them, she supposed. She just didn’t think God would ever forgive her.

She’d worn his name even in the midst of her willful sins.

She’d heard from this pulpit that it was possible for God to retract his salvation from her if she continued in sin.

This teaching both puzzled her and terrified her.

For if she was to be the one responsible for her salvation, it was a losing battle.

Perhaps she should just give up.

A few more years and she probably would. One day, when she was older and on her own.

A troubled conscience will eventually heal itself.

Right?

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Author's note: It's hard for me to explain where this came from. I wrote it because I came across a church website and was reading through their beliefs, such as King James only, extreme Arminianism, loss of salvation, etc. I began to ponder how these things don't really help a guilty conscience, and they tend to drive people away from church. I have personally known several people who struggled with inadequacy under strict (and usually false) teachings, and several who eventually just gave up trying.

This is not about my church or any church I have been affiliated with.

Trust me, I'd be running for the door if it was. ;)