Learning to Forgive
I thought I was good at this. I thought I was the kind of person that let things slide off her back, that went with the flow and didn't turn bitter. Truth be told, I was a little proud of that--how I never let things get to me and didn't waste time holding grudges.
Whenever you feel proud of something, get ready to be tested on it.
Forgiveness is easy when it's someone I love. I don't have to give it a second thought. Love is worth it that way. You can mean the words "I forgive you" as soon as you say them. There's no question in my heart that nothing is too big to forgive when it comes to the elemental people in my life.
And I don't normally obsess over the random slight or wrongdoing of someone not really in my world much. At least not for very long. I usually end up finding the humor in it and looking at the offense through the sideways glance of sarcasm.
I don't get hurt easily, and I don't stay hurt for long.
Except in this one instance. This one nagging area.
How do you forgive a transgression when no apology is made? When there is no remorse for sins committed, no longing to make amends, no realization of how big the offense was? How do you forgive someone who isn't really sorry? Who isn't really in your world but made such a negative impact on it you think about it every single day?
I've been struggling with this for years now, and I'm ashamed to admit it. I am not now, nor have I ever been interested in bitterness. I've seen bitterness destroy families, churches, and lives. I don't want to keep dragging burdens around. I don't want the weight of the past to be slung over my shoulders.
Here's the thing. I know that if this person came to me seeking forgiveness, I would not hold back. I feel like if that moment (far fetched as it is) ever occurred, I would be so overwhelmed with amazement that there would be no room for withholding forgiveness. It would be a relief.
But having this attitude of forgiveness in a theoretical situation is not enough. It doesn't help battle the painful memories or the first impressions I will always have. I hate that my first, well, really, my every thought relating to this person is negative. I hate that I want them to know how much I hurt because of their sin. It seems so shallow and desperate. It makes me feel like I can't control myself or be a big enough person to truly rise above the offense and be loving.
I'm not the only one with a "perpetrator" as Beth Moore calls them. Pretty much all of us have been hurt along the way by someone, somehow. In fact, I've known people with much deeper hurts and scars from their perpetrators, and they seem able to rise above it. My situation really isn't that big of a deal, and the aftermath has been a spectacular display of God's love and grace and new beginnings and abundant life. It's so so so petty to still be battling these thoughts every single day, when things are so amazingly wonderful now.
Here's the raw truth: It's not about their sin anymore. It's about mine. It's so much easier to let the bitter thoughts swirl around freely. It feels justified. It feels comfortably uncomfortable. But it's not what God has called me to do. God wants me to love this person, this perpetrator, this stranger with the same love that forgives freely those who are close to me. God wants me to look at them with tenderness, compassion, a sweet spirit. God wants me to pray for them. God wants me to take every thought captive and speak truth to it.
God wants me to forgive what cannot be undone.
And here's the thing about a human forgiving another human. It's not a once and done deal. Every day, I need to pray for God to renew a right spirit within me toward this person. Because every day, I'm going to be tempted to think a negative thought about them. It's just a fact. I can't depend on my personality or time passing to take care of it. I have to depend on the grace of God.
And he has forgiven me so much. So much. I've hurt him far more than this person ever hurt me, yet he still looks on me with affection, kindness and love.
If I feel bound by this past transgression, it's because I'm wrapping the chains around my own feet. The only freedom is forgiveness.
Whenever you feel proud of something, get ready to be tested on it.
Forgiveness is easy when it's someone I love. I don't have to give it a second thought. Love is worth it that way. You can mean the words "I forgive you" as soon as you say them. There's no question in my heart that nothing is too big to forgive when it comes to the elemental people in my life.
And I don't normally obsess over the random slight or wrongdoing of someone not really in my world much. At least not for very long. I usually end up finding the humor in it and looking at the offense through the sideways glance of sarcasm.
I don't get hurt easily, and I don't stay hurt for long.
Except in this one instance. This one nagging area.
How do you forgive a transgression when no apology is made? When there is no remorse for sins committed, no longing to make amends, no realization of how big the offense was? How do you forgive someone who isn't really sorry? Who isn't really in your world but made such a negative impact on it you think about it every single day?
I've been struggling with this for years now, and I'm ashamed to admit it. I am not now, nor have I ever been interested in bitterness. I've seen bitterness destroy families, churches, and lives. I don't want to keep dragging burdens around. I don't want the weight of the past to be slung over my shoulders.
Here's the thing. I know that if this person came to me seeking forgiveness, I would not hold back. I feel like if that moment (far fetched as it is) ever occurred, I would be so overwhelmed with amazement that there would be no room for withholding forgiveness. It would be a relief.
But having this attitude of forgiveness in a theoretical situation is not enough. It doesn't help battle the painful memories or the first impressions I will always have. I hate that my first, well, really, my every thought relating to this person is negative. I hate that I want them to know how much I hurt because of their sin. It seems so shallow and desperate. It makes me feel like I can't control myself or be a big enough person to truly rise above the offense and be loving.
I'm not the only one with a "perpetrator" as Beth Moore calls them. Pretty much all of us have been hurt along the way by someone, somehow. In fact, I've known people with much deeper hurts and scars from their perpetrators, and they seem able to rise above it. My situation really isn't that big of a deal, and the aftermath has been a spectacular display of God's love and grace and new beginnings and abundant life. It's so so so petty to still be battling these thoughts every single day, when things are so amazingly wonderful now.
Here's the raw truth: It's not about their sin anymore. It's about mine. It's so much easier to let the bitter thoughts swirl around freely. It feels justified. It feels comfortably uncomfortable. But it's not what God has called me to do. God wants me to love this person, this perpetrator, this stranger with the same love that forgives freely those who are close to me. God wants me to look at them with tenderness, compassion, a sweet spirit. God wants me to pray for them. God wants me to take every thought captive and speak truth to it.
God wants me to forgive what cannot be undone.
And here's the thing about a human forgiving another human. It's not a once and done deal. Every day, I need to pray for God to renew a right spirit within me toward this person. Because every day, I'm going to be tempted to think a negative thought about them. It's just a fact. I can't depend on my personality or time passing to take care of it. I have to depend on the grace of God.
And he has forgiven me so much. So much. I've hurt him far more than this person ever hurt me, yet he still looks on me with affection, kindness and love.
If I feel bound by this past transgression, it's because I'm wrapping the chains around my own feet. The only freedom is forgiveness.
Comments
Thanks for being real.