My Top Ten in Christ
Thanks for the idea, Mandy.
Top Ten Moments in My Spiritual Life Thus Far
1. May 17, 1987 (I’m pretty sure about the date, anyway). It was a week after my fifth birthday, one night after church, I believe. Mom was putting me to bed, and we were talking about how to get to Heaven. I don’t remember everything that was said, but I do have a clear recollection of understanding that I was a sinner and could only get to Heaven by believing in Christ’s death and resurrection for my salvation. I remember kneeling by my bed, praying to Jesus to forgive me and take me to Heaven one day. I also remember joyfully running around the house with my sisters afterwards as they sang "Kathy’s saved!"
2. Two years later. Baptism. I have vivid memories of going forward after church to announce my desire to be baptized. I was really nervous to be standing in front of my church as a seven year old girl. I also remember the pre-baptism classes with my father and my friend Seth. Although I knew much of the information already, I found the study of doctrine to be rather interesting. I can recall on the morning of our baptism, Seth and myself leaning over the edge of that old murky baptistry, gazing into it and not being able to see the bottom. I was afraid of it. I was afraid the water would go over my head or that I’d choke beneath that black surface. But God was with me that night when I made my public confession of faith and my father baptized me in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The water was black, but I felt I emerged from it shining bright. I know it was not salvation I received that night. But it was my first taste of the wonder of publicly being obedient to Christ. I wanted to get baptized every Sunday after that.
3. April, 1991. I was approaching nine years old. I can’t recall if it was a Sunday evening service or a special Bible study night. But I do remember being struck in the pew I sat in with the notion that I wasn’t fully grasping the wonder of my salvation. I wasn’t serving Christ like I wanted. I wasn’t reading my Bible or praying the way I knew I should. When every head was bowed and every eye closed, I remember my father asking if there was anyone who felt they needed to rededictate their life to Christ. I was overwhelmed with conviction and slowly slipped up my hand. It would be the first of many times I would feel the conviction of Christ calling me to be more, to be better, to cast aside myself.
4. August, 1995. I was thirteen. I was in the midst of turmoil. My family was moving away from the home I’d known my entire life. It was exciting, and frightening. But just before our move, the young people of our church put on a passion play that my sister had written. I had a big solo during the scene of Christ’s death. It also excited me and terrified me. But during those three nights of performance, I learned a wonderful truth that has been with me to this day. God is honored when we use our talents to touch others with His truth. I had never much considered public singing before that. I’d done it once or twice in church and enjoyed it. But through that play, every time it came my time to sing that difficult and passionate song, I felt the Spirit of God all around me saying "This...This is something I want to use in your life. Don’t stop singing." I never have.
5. The ages thirteen through eighteen held most of the low points of my spiritual life. Upon moving to our new environment, I quickly became enraptured with a boy ironically also named Seth. I fell in love with him. I became obsessed with him. And because I made him an idol above God, I failed so many times. But throughout those five years, I can honestly say, I never doubted for a second that Seth would one day be my husband. God had entrusted this information to me, and although I misused it, it was a constant. It took me five years to fully grasp what God intended me to learn through that. But it showed me that even when I’m a miserable failure, God does not forsake me. Even when I’m heartbroken, His plans do not change.
6. Late summer, 2000. I was eighteen, out of school, and in turmoil. Seth had broken off our relationship in pursuit of another girl, an unsaved girl at that. I was broken. I felt rebellious. I felt angry. I felt worthless. That summer, I had the opportunity to go to Ireland on a missions trip. It was a trip I feel I squandered because I focused most of my energy on getting Seth to notice me. That entire summer I had been somewhat depressed, but upon returning home, it hit it’s peak. Not just because of Seth. But because I was overwhelmed with my guilt. I had ignored God for so long. On the outside, I had maintained my good girl image. I had been a "spiritual leader" in my class at school and in youth group. I was involved in church and ministry. But on the inside, I had let bitterness and selfishness swallow my relationship with Christ. One night, at the height of that depression, I felt like I was at a crossroads. I knew I had two choices to my overwhelming sin problem. The temptation to just end it all was all around me like thick black smoke. I was lonely. I hated whom I had become. I felt unworthy of love. But in the midst of that darkness came the Voice I had tuned out for so long. "I love you. You are mine." In an instant, the walls were torn down, and my Savior came to my rescue. I felt Him all around me, forgiving me, healing the wounds I had allowed to fester, changing my attitudes and my arrogance. I embraced it. I was ready to be forgiven. To let go of the gigantic burden I had chosen to lug around for years. I was completely free.
7. Winter, 2000. I was a new person after all that. Seth was no longer my focus in life. The obsessive and controlling tendencies were gone. I was Christ’s and Christ’s alone, regardless of what the future held. I embraced His Word. I prayed fervently every day and actually enjoyed it. I learned how to get along with people and put aside my selfishness. I learned how to love people like Christ does. And in the midst of it all, God had changed Seth too. We were reunited that winter, and engaged by March 2001.
8. September 29, 2001. Our wedding day. The promised day. The day I had sabotaged with my own efforts all those years, but that God had gently brought about in His goodness and mercy. I remember sitting in our apartment late that night, watching a movie and opening our wedding cards and gifts. It was the first time I’d ever been truly alone with him where I felt pure, complete. I was overwhelmed with the knowledge that I did not deserve to be the wife of this man. But there I was, in the marriage God had ordained that I had dreamt of for six years. That was when the motto that would swirl my head for years and years began to play: "God is so good".
9. October, 2006. I had a wonderful marriage and a beautiful two year old son. Nothing big had yet to rock our world, so to speak. Then it happened. Twelve weeks into our second pregnancy, we found out the baby was gone. Miscarriage is such a common thing, but when it happens to you, it’s like the world stops and you can’t believe what’s going on. Yes, we grieved like we never have before. But the morning after we got the news, I woke up feeling different. Refreshed. Peaceful. I remember thinking "God is so good" once again. I felt so calm and sheltered. Yes, the pain was still there, but it was as if I was a little lamb with a broken leg in the Shepard’s arms. The wound hurt, but I was safe, cared for. The Shepard would make sure I was okay.
10. March 25, 2007. In the midst of growth and stretching comes relief. For several years, God has been working in me in the area of my church. I have failed many times to behave in a way that pleases Him when it comes to my Christian family. Certain things irritate me, stir up "righteous indignation". I have trouble when it comes to the sins of others. I want to see change, and many times, it is change I want to control. But that morning in church was a highlight for me. God told me to let go of trying to control others and focus on my own relationship with Him. That morning, I truly worshiped. I didn’t think about other’s attitudes and opinions. I just focused on my own. I couldn’t control how others worshiped Christ, but I could control how I did. So I let go of my preconceived notions, my hangups, my fear of offending others and did exactly what God told me to do. It was so freeing, so enlightening, so wonderful. I wish I could say it has been like that every Sunday since...but I’m working on it.
These are the moments that stand apart in my life. There are many more, but these are the ones that readily come to mind when I think about my life in Christ. And I know there will be many more to come.
Top Ten Moments in My Spiritual Life Thus Far
1. May 17, 1987 (I’m pretty sure about the date, anyway). It was a week after my fifth birthday, one night after church, I believe. Mom was putting me to bed, and we were talking about how to get to Heaven. I don’t remember everything that was said, but I do have a clear recollection of understanding that I was a sinner and could only get to Heaven by believing in Christ’s death and resurrection for my salvation. I remember kneeling by my bed, praying to Jesus to forgive me and take me to Heaven one day. I also remember joyfully running around the house with my sisters afterwards as they sang "Kathy’s saved!"
2. Two years later. Baptism. I have vivid memories of going forward after church to announce my desire to be baptized. I was really nervous to be standing in front of my church as a seven year old girl. I also remember the pre-baptism classes with my father and my friend Seth. Although I knew much of the information already, I found the study of doctrine to be rather interesting. I can recall on the morning of our baptism, Seth and myself leaning over the edge of that old murky baptistry, gazing into it and not being able to see the bottom. I was afraid of it. I was afraid the water would go over my head or that I’d choke beneath that black surface. But God was with me that night when I made my public confession of faith and my father baptized me in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The water was black, but I felt I emerged from it shining bright. I know it was not salvation I received that night. But it was my first taste of the wonder of publicly being obedient to Christ. I wanted to get baptized every Sunday after that.
3. April, 1991. I was approaching nine years old. I can’t recall if it was a Sunday evening service or a special Bible study night. But I do remember being struck in the pew I sat in with the notion that I wasn’t fully grasping the wonder of my salvation. I wasn’t serving Christ like I wanted. I wasn’t reading my Bible or praying the way I knew I should. When every head was bowed and every eye closed, I remember my father asking if there was anyone who felt they needed to rededictate their life to Christ. I was overwhelmed with conviction and slowly slipped up my hand. It would be the first of many times I would feel the conviction of Christ calling me to be more, to be better, to cast aside myself.
4. August, 1995. I was thirteen. I was in the midst of turmoil. My family was moving away from the home I’d known my entire life. It was exciting, and frightening. But just before our move, the young people of our church put on a passion play that my sister had written. I had a big solo during the scene of Christ’s death. It also excited me and terrified me. But during those three nights of performance, I learned a wonderful truth that has been with me to this day. God is honored when we use our talents to touch others with His truth. I had never much considered public singing before that. I’d done it once or twice in church and enjoyed it. But through that play, every time it came my time to sing that difficult and passionate song, I felt the Spirit of God all around me saying "This...This is something I want to use in your life. Don’t stop singing." I never have.
5. The ages thirteen through eighteen held most of the low points of my spiritual life. Upon moving to our new environment, I quickly became enraptured with a boy ironically also named Seth. I fell in love with him. I became obsessed with him. And because I made him an idol above God, I failed so many times. But throughout those five years, I can honestly say, I never doubted for a second that Seth would one day be my husband. God had entrusted this information to me, and although I misused it, it was a constant. It took me five years to fully grasp what God intended me to learn through that. But it showed me that even when I’m a miserable failure, God does not forsake me. Even when I’m heartbroken, His plans do not change.
6. Late summer, 2000. I was eighteen, out of school, and in turmoil. Seth had broken off our relationship in pursuit of another girl, an unsaved girl at that. I was broken. I felt rebellious. I felt angry. I felt worthless. That summer, I had the opportunity to go to Ireland on a missions trip. It was a trip I feel I squandered because I focused most of my energy on getting Seth to notice me. That entire summer I had been somewhat depressed, but upon returning home, it hit it’s peak. Not just because of Seth. But because I was overwhelmed with my guilt. I had ignored God for so long. On the outside, I had maintained my good girl image. I had been a "spiritual leader" in my class at school and in youth group. I was involved in church and ministry. But on the inside, I had let bitterness and selfishness swallow my relationship with Christ. One night, at the height of that depression, I felt like I was at a crossroads. I knew I had two choices to my overwhelming sin problem. The temptation to just end it all was all around me like thick black smoke. I was lonely. I hated whom I had become. I felt unworthy of love. But in the midst of that darkness came the Voice I had tuned out for so long. "I love you. You are mine." In an instant, the walls were torn down, and my Savior came to my rescue. I felt Him all around me, forgiving me, healing the wounds I had allowed to fester, changing my attitudes and my arrogance. I embraced it. I was ready to be forgiven. To let go of the gigantic burden I had chosen to lug around for years. I was completely free.
7. Winter, 2000. I was a new person after all that. Seth was no longer my focus in life. The obsessive and controlling tendencies were gone. I was Christ’s and Christ’s alone, regardless of what the future held. I embraced His Word. I prayed fervently every day and actually enjoyed it. I learned how to get along with people and put aside my selfishness. I learned how to love people like Christ does. And in the midst of it all, God had changed Seth too. We were reunited that winter, and engaged by March 2001.
8. September 29, 2001. Our wedding day. The promised day. The day I had sabotaged with my own efforts all those years, but that God had gently brought about in His goodness and mercy. I remember sitting in our apartment late that night, watching a movie and opening our wedding cards and gifts. It was the first time I’d ever been truly alone with him where I felt pure, complete. I was overwhelmed with the knowledge that I did not deserve to be the wife of this man. But there I was, in the marriage God had ordained that I had dreamt of for six years. That was when the motto that would swirl my head for years and years began to play: "God is so good".
9. October, 2006. I had a wonderful marriage and a beautiful two year old son. Nothing big had yet to rock our world, so to speak. Then it happened. Twelve weeks into our second pregnancy, we found out the baby was gone. Miscarriage is such a common thing, but when it happens to you, it’s like the world stops and you can’t believe what’s going on. Yes, we grieved like we never have before. But the morning after we got the news, I woke up feeling different. Refreshed. Peaceful. I remember thinking "God is so good" once again. I felt so calm and sheltered. Yes, the pain was still there, but it was as if I was a little lamb with a broken leg in the Shepard’s arms. The wound hurt, but I was safe, cared for. The Shepard would make sure I was okay.
10. March 25, 2007. In the midst of growth and stretching comes relief. For several years, God has been working in me in the area of my church. I have failed many times to behave in a way that pleases Him when it comes to my Christian family. Certain things irritate me, stir up "righteous indignation". I have trouble when it comes to the sins of others. I want to see change, and many times, it is change I want to control. But that morning in church was a highlight for me. God told me to let go of trying to control others and focus on my own relationship with Him. That morning, I truly worshiped. I didn’t think about other’s attitudes and opinions. I just focused on my own. I couldn’t control how others worshiped Christ, but I could control how I did. So I let go of my preconceived notions, my hangups, my fear of offending others and did exactly what God told me to do. It was so freeing, so enlightening, so wonderful. I wish I could say it has been like that every Sunday since...but I’m working on it.
These are the moments that stand apart in my life. There are many more, but these are the ones that readily come to mind when I think about my life in Christ. And I know there will be many more to come.
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