Reality
I had a really cruel dream last night.
I dreamed Dad was alive. Like, the whole death thing had just been a big mistake. He'd been rescued by a funeral home worker and had spent the last year getting better before he could come home. And there he was, sitting in my sister's kitchen like nothing had ever happened. I could hug him and talk to him and watch him with my mom and everything was just perfect. The details were so vivid. I can't even fully describe the feeling of it. It was as if every wish humanity could ever wish was fulfilled in that moment.
There was one tiny negative thought in my mind during the dream though. It occurred to me, that even though he was back now, there would come another day when he would leave us again. And the grief would renew.
Even in my magical dreams I'm quite the realist.
I was sad to wake up from the dream and come crashing back to reality, where this Thursday marks one year since he really did leave us. I've been thinking lately how naive I was before we lost him. I thought that grief had an expiration date, that time healed all wounds, that being strong meant eventually you put the loss behind you. Now I know that, though time does lessen the pain, true loss stays with you. It's always in the back of your mind. It changes you in good and bad ways. It makes you long for Heaven.
It dawned on me this morning that I don't have to be depressed about those perfect dream moments slipping away when I opened my eyes. Because one day, those feelings of superb fulfillment and perfect healing will occur when I open my eyes in Heaven. For now, I have that hope to hold on to--to know that what I dream will one day be reality, that there is a definite resolution to my grief. All because of Jesus!
To grieve with Jesus is to know there will be an end to all grief. And knowing that is enough.
I dreamed Dad was alive. Like, the whole death thing had just been a big mistake. He'd been rescued by a funeral home worker and had spent the last year getting better before he could come home. And there he was, sitting in my sister's kitchen like nothing had ever happened. I could hug him and talk to him and watch him with my mom and everything was just perfect. The details were so vivid. I can't even fully describe the feeling of it. It was as if every wish humanity could ever wish was fulfilled in that moment.
There was one tiny negative thought in my mind during the dream though. It occurred to me, that even though he was back now, there would come another day when he would leave us again. And the grief would renew.
Even in my magical dreams I'm quite the realist.
I was sad to wake up from the dream and come crashing back to reality, where this Thursday marks one year since he really did leave us. I've been thinking lately how naive I was before we lost him. I thought that grief had an expiration date, that time healed all wounds, that being strong meant eventually you put the loss behind you. Now I know that, though time does lessen the pain, true loss stays with you. It's always in the back of your mind. It changes you in good and bad ways. It makes you long for Heaven.
It dawned on me this morning that I don't have to be depressed about those perfect dream moments slipping away when I opened my eyes. Because one day, those feelings of superb fulfillment and perfect healing will occur when I open my eyes in Heaven. For now, I have that hope to hold on to--to know that what I dream will one day be reality, that there is a definite resolution to my grief. All because of Jesus!
To grieve with Jesus is to know there will be an end to all grief. And knowing that is enough.
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