Tuesday, March 11, 2014

A Portrait of Loss

One week ago, I lost my dad.

Well, one week ago tomorrow morning at roughly 5:00 am, to be more precise.

Words swirl around in my mind, but they refuse to be typed. Maybe that will come with time, but for now, everything's a little too raw.

For now, this will suffice.

The night after it happened, I had a weird dream where my sisters and I were in our childhood home, which was on fire, and we were trying to salvage things that we wanted to pass on to our children.

When I awoke, all I could think about was taking pictures.

So, even though it was weird, I starting shooting. I shot all the things that seemed to pull me to them, all the things that expressed in their simplicity the emptiness and shock I felt inside. His suits in his closet. His empty office. His bulletin board decorated with pictures from his grandkids. I shot them all. I shot them and then I ignored them, because I couldn't handle looking at them. But tonight, I forced myself to confront them. I both love and hate these photos.

They're far from technically perfect. It's hard to focus correctly through tears, and they don't match the pictures I had in my head, but they are something. They are a way of honoring our loss. Even Seth shot a few.

I guess this is how photographers express grief, and if that's the case, dad would probably totally get it.


Carrie said...

It was like a sucker punch to hear the news:( so so so sorry about your loss. I totally get the picture thing.

Miranda said...

He would love this.

Susan Ream said...

These pictures are a perfect gift to capture the essence of your precious Dad and of the love you all had for him.
My eyes welled with tears but inside I was so glad you took them as they will be a treasure to your family.
His love for all of you was so BIG and transparent and that love has helped to shape you, the Parson girls, into the compassionate and beautiful women that you are today.

Jacki Ford Bilsborrow said...

I love your photo tribute to your dad. I think they captured the essence of who he was very well. I completely understand looking through the lens with tear-filled eyes. My dad has been gone now for 10 years and the sting is still there. It is so tough to lose your dad. My sympathies to you all.

Misty Lycakis said...

That is beautiful Kathy. I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers.

Melissa said...

Oh my! Very nice.

larryd said...
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larryd said...

Kathy, I was a youth at Emmanuel in Flint when your dad was there. He had a big influence on my life then and even to this day. I was so glad when we found each other on FB a year or so ago. Your blog really touched my heart and my favorite picture is the one of his glasses. I don't know why but it brought a tear to my eyes. You have such a way with words and pictures.

Amy said...

I'm so glad you did this, because this is who you are... a photographer. It is also who your dad was, and I love that you've carried on his love for photography. Sometimes pictures say so much more than words ever can. <3