The Misfits
Do you constantly feel like nobody "gets" you? Like you’re an alien in a world of perfectly normal human beings? Like you’re judged for believing so deeply in what you do?
Yeah, count me in.
The older I get, the more abnormal I feel. When I was younger I was able to just go with the flow. Accept the norm. Believe what I was told. But as the years go by, I find myself questioning more, searching for deeper answers, trying desperately to make sense of everything I’ve been fed in my life.
And whenever one challenges the norm, that one becomes a misfit.
I feel it most in my spiritual life. There are times I really feel like I don’t belong where I am. I know that God has put me where I am for a purpose. But there are days when I grow weary of getting "that look" from another believer. It’s a multi-purpose look. It says "What in the world are you talking about?", "In no way are you right", and "Seriously, you’re weird" all at the same time. It’s very effective. It frustrates me to the core. It wounds me. It makes me feel judged. It makes me feel like all my study and time in the Word has come to nothing.
It’s good to be questioned. If no one ever questioned me, I wouldn’t keep searching in the Scriptures to double check what I believe. I don’t mind being questioned.
But I do mind "that look".
I’m not sure what to do about it. Many times, I just keep my mouth shut if I’m thinking clearly. But there are occasions where I stumble into a debate without meaning to, and I struggle to articulate what I believe so deeply and address things I find so offensive, and I just come off looking like more of a loon. The only time I feel I can really sort out my thoughts is when I’m writing. But a lot of good that does me in a verbal discussion.
I’m not completely alone. My husband, while always initially giving me the opposing argument, can usually see my viewpoint and give it merit. He never makes me feel alienated for having an opinion that’s different. My sisters generally don’t give me "that look". In fact, my older sisters, next to my parents, are probably the biggest spiritual influences in my life. It didn’t really happen till we were all adults, but I listen to just about everything they say. They have no idea how much I respect their opinions. I have seen their faith play out in their lives. I have watched them study, and struggle, and learn. So when I hear them say something, I can’t help but mull it over for myself and do a little study of my own. It’s the same with my parents. While we may not always agree on issues, never do I feel like they judge me. It’s a breath of fresh air.
So, there’s no doubt I’m thankful for the people God has given me in my family. Without them, I’d have no outlet where I don’t feel like a total idiot for my thoughts. As for everyone else, I just have to figure out when to be quiet and when to speak up, and when I do speak up, what to say so that I don’t return "that look" to whomever I’m discussing with. I’ve really got to work on the whole "speak the truth in love" thing.
I'm sure there are others that know what I'm talking about. That can relate to my feeling of social inadequacy. We are the few. We are the lonely. We are the Misfits.
Yeah, count me in.
The older I get, the more abnormal I feel. When I was younger I was able to just go with the flow. Accept the norm. Believe what I was told. But as the years go by, I find myself questioning more, searching for deeper answers, trying desperately to make sense of everything I’ve been fed in my life.
And whenever one challenges the norm, that one becomes a misfit.
I feel it most in my spiritual life. There are times I really feel like I don’t belong where I am. I know that God has put me where I am for a purpose. But there are days when I grow weary of getting "that look" from another believer. It’s a multi-purpose look. It says "What in the world are you talking about?", "In no way are you right", and "Seriously, you’re weird" all at the same time. It’s very effective. It frustrates me to the core. It wounds me. It makes me feel judged. It makes me feel like all my study and time in the Word has come to nothing.
It’s good to be questioned. If no one ever questioned me, I wouldn’t keep searching in the Scriptures to double check what I believe. I don’t mind being questioned.
But I do mind "that look".
I’m not sure what to do about it. Many times, I just keep my mouth shut if I’m thinking clearly. But there are occasions where I stumble into a debate without meaning to, and I struggle to articulate what I believe so deeply and address things I find so offensive, and I just come off looking like more of a loon. The only time I feel I can really sort out my thoughts is when I’m writing. But a lot of good that does me in a verbal discussion.
I’m not completely alone. My husband, while always initially giving me the opposing argument, can usually see my viewpoint and give it merit. He never makes me feel alienated for having an opinion that’s different. My sisters generally don’t give me "that look". In fact, my older sisters, next to my parents, are probably the biggest spiritual influences in my life. It didn’t really happen till we were all adults, but I listen to just about everything they say. They have no idea how much I respect their opinions. I have seen their faith play out in their lives. I have watched them study, and struggle, and learn. So when I hear them say something, I can’t help but mull it over for myself and do a little study of my own. It’s the same with my parents. While we may not always agree on issues, never do I feel like they judge me. It’s a breath of fresh air.
So, there’s no doubt I’m thankful for the people God has given me in my family. Without them, I’d have no outlet where I don’t feel like a total idiot for my thoughts. As for everyone else, I just have to figure out when to be quiet and when to speak up, and when I do speak up, what to say so that I don’t return "that look" to whomever I’m discussing with. I’ve really got to work on the whole "speak the truth in love" thing.
I'm sure there are others that know what I'm talking about. That can relate to my feeling of social inadequacy. We are the few. We are the lonely. We are the Misfits.
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Crystal Baker