Tongue Tied

So, it's time for the "Ok, I was a little emotional last post" post. So let me clarify. First off, thanks for the comments and support! You made me feel more comfortable and gave me food for thought. If you go two posts back, you'll see that life has been sorta heavy for me lately. Lots of learning and stretching and pain and growth going on. But God is so so so so so so so (not nearly enough "so's") good! I honestly would not trade the trials I have endured, because through them, God is refining me, revealing what's in my heart, and showing His presence in my life. But when life is difficult in one area, it's easy for that trial to spill over in other areas. Frustration comes easily when you're already edgy. Anyway, I just want to say for the record: 1. I LOVE my church. LOVE it. People are warm, compassionate, forgiving. The generosity I have received from members of my church leaves me speechless. I often find myself just being overwhelm...

I'm having issues with my Baptist affiliation these days. This is nothing new. If I'm honest, I've been having issues with the Baptist Church for the better part of a decade. Today's issue? This assumption that when I disagree with a teaching or an opinion of my church, I am "not enduring sound doctrine". I've become a bit of a skeptic, I'll admit. I spent over 20 years pretty much buying whatever I was taught. I've had to unlearn a lot of legalism and let go of a lot of downright sinful ideas. So, whether it's a good thing or not, I take what I hear from my church and my denomination with a hefty grain of salt. It's good in the sense that it makes me search diligently through the Scriptures for answers. It's bad in the sense that I have a hard time trusting my brothers. And it doesn't help that there seems to be a whole lot of guilt flowing around for people who question. This is probably just my perception, but have you ever fel...

My life of late has been a bit...complicated. I'm a very weird person. Around 87% of the time, I'm a very laid back, roll with the punches kind of girl. Not easily riled up or offended. Far too lazy to make a fuss about things. The other 13% is characterized by obsessiveness, irritation, frustration, and confusion. I'm in the 13 % right now. I can't in good conscience blog about the specifics of my struggles. That frustrates me. While I'm generally very private in conversation, I'll say just about anything in writing. It's part of my process. It's how I learn. It's a comfortable way for me to get feedback from others. I long to be open and transparent about what I'm dealing with. I want to use these things to help others. That's how I can make sense of all this craziness. But for various reasons, I have to be silent, at least for now. So I blog about the mundane. About other issues that aren't really as important to me. It's sort of ...

No deep thoughts today. Just a growing frustration that may turn itself into a valid blog post at some point in my life. Sigh....Baptists. (I'm rolling my eyes. Can you tell?)

I'm not an athlete. I'm not a businesswoman. I'm not famous. I'm not rich. I'm not particularly crafty or artsy. I'm not organized. I'm not a size 4. Or 6. Or 8. Or 10. I'm not a math or science whiz. I'm not handy or deeply involved in home renovation. I don't have a clean house, tan legs, a trim stomach or the latest gadgets. I'm not interested in having an overflowing schedule. I don't run marathons, I can't afford organic food, and I'm not good at hostessing. But none of that really bothers me. It used to. I used to feel like less when I saw others doing these things or being these things. I used to feel like I had to assimilate, blend in, be on par with everyone around me. But I'm over that. I'm me. Charlie Brown, eat your heart out. God has been revealing to me that my striving to be like everyone else is just a form of pride. It's a desire to hide what I think are failures. It's trying to make me something o...

So I'm a woman. (Lest you weren't aware.) Now, I'm not one that was blessed with a generous amount of....wiles. I've always been goofy and awkward and...unwily. My talents lie more in the arena of annoying debate rather than feminine charms. The only man I have ever used any sort of...wiles on is my husband. I have never intentionally provoked any other man to any sort of impure thought. And yet, growing up in the church, I have been taught that I'm responsible even for the unintentional thought provocation. This has always sort of grated at me, and I wasn't sure why for a long time. But when I started birthing humans, and they were males, my mind eventually wandered to raising them in to godly men. I thought of the challenges they would face in the area of sexual purity. But my thoughts always bent towards "they need to learn to be respectful of women and not use them for pleasure" instead of "every girl they come in contact with had better be w...